6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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