Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
