During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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