i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Walk of Shame today included voting.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
