I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
