If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
