Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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