Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
