U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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