There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
