You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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