I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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