Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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