PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize