yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
