She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
