I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize