Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
