I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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