Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
