Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
