i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
