Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
