...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
This is my gift to your gina
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
