Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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