We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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