i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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