The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
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