I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
