a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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