Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
