Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
