Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
