just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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