All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
