Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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