I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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