My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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