I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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