I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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