Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
