The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Blood and glitter go together right?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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