im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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