we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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