i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
