do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
