Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
