uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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