I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
