Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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