My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
