Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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