Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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