You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
