OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
too bad you live with your parents still
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
