I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
