I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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