just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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