I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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