just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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