Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
