so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
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