my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
