Welp...herpes.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
