I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
