She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
