okay pat passed out under dana's car
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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