The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
